Lamentations

What do I have to be so sad about? I have everything I need and more! I am not currently trapped under a collapsed building in Haiti...and I don't have to fight in a winnerless war that I don't believe in. I am free, fed, indulged, catered to, Loved, Blessed...and I still find reasons to complain about my life. How pathetic is that! I am not (just) being self-depricating here either...I would not have to look far to find others like me...some more satisfied and content, but still others, less content, more bitter and seemingly entitled. Why...we have SO much...and still "need"more. I am Never satisfied. I will feel better when I have a bigger house...so I will have room for all my stuff, plus the new stuff that I dont have yet, but surely at somepoint, I will pull out the old Capital One card and bow once again to a stupid, self-centered whim! Will that do it? Of course it will...thats all I need now...until I have it of course. Maybe I am sad because it the midst of all the hurt and pain that surrounds us ( which I manage to block out most of the time, until something so disasterous happens, that I can't ignore it anymore) I have realized...that these, truly and unfortunaely ARE my inside thoughts...I would not say them aloud, but they are in there...along with my Western/NorthAmerican/Egocentric "I deserve better" sense of entitlement...And it makes me sad...and a little nausiated. Maybe thats what this pit in my stomach is. My problem at this point continues to be that I am becoming (painfully) aware of my self in recent weeks/months but am equally ignorant of how to start to fix these "thinking errors", and sicknesses. What do I need to do to change it...Sell all my things...move into a small apartment...give away my money...maybe. Cipher from the Matrix said it best..."Ignorance is bliss" I was definately happier NOT knowing all this crap about myself. I didn't always feel fulfilled neccesarily, but I certainly did not have the sense of self loathing that now drips off of me. I was insecure, but not nearly as much as I am now, fearing That God, my family, my wife , my son, won't love or respect me if they knew the truth. But I can't keep living like this...something has got to change...How do I stop being so self indulgent...God help me! and if you are reading this...maybe you could help too!